Kitten!!

                                                   

We found this little guy in the parking lot where we live. He was simultaneously terrified of and desperate for human contact. He was already litterbox trained and he has the sweetest personality so, despite plans to hold off on getting a pet until we move, we decided to keep him. Okay, fine, there was no "decision-making." I was a goner as soon as I saw him. Can you blame me?

Dignity: It's not for everyone.

. 

And By Accidentally I Mean On Purpose

Parental figure: Do you have something to show me?

Anonymous naughty child: Nope!

P: Your teacher told me today that she sent home a detention notice on Thursday. [It is now Tuesday.] . What do you have to say about that?

C: Oohhh, that. [produces note from backpack]

P: [reading] This is a new one from today. Where is the one from last week?

Child: Ummm. I dunno?

P: Did get a detention note?

C: Ye-ahhuh.  [checks backpack] But it's not in my backpack.

P: Did you bring it home?

C: Um.... yes.

P: What did you do with it?

C: I think I, umm... I put it on my bed. But I think, ahh, maybe... it might have gotten thrown away. By accident. Because it's not on my bed anymore.

P: Why don't you go check the garbage can in your room?

[Child comes back with miraculously produced crumpled ball of paper.]

P: [sternly]  Did it really get thrown away by accident?

C: Um... I think so? Probably.

P: Did you throw it away because you didn't want to give it to us?

C: Ummm... Yeah, Yup. Uh huh.

[Parental eyeroll shared]

P: This says you were rubbing your sweatshirt on J's head in class. Why on earth would you do that?

C:  But... we were learning about static electricity!!!!!

Oh, well that explains everything.

New one up at Uncensored. There's not much that I want to talk about publicly these days. I'll try to post some wedding pictures soon, but I think anyone who cares has already seen them on Facebook. Give me a shout if I'm wrong.

I'm Getting Married in the Morning!!!!

That's all. Pictoral evidence to follow.

We're Doing WHAT On April 7th!!?!?

Oh Em Gee, you guys. I'm getting married. That's right, I have finally tricked Todd into promising to love and obey me forever!!! Todd says that's not the way the traditional wording goes but I'm pretty sure it is.

At first it was all: We'll go to the county clerk's office. Your mom can come, and my brother can come, and maybe we'll go out to eat afterwards. But the kids would have been devastated to miss out on the chance to be FLOWERGIRL and RINGBEAR so the plans kept expanding a little bit at a time (yes that's right, it's all for the kids, totally for the kids). Suddenly I am planning a backyard wedding with a few family members and close friends and I don't even know what the frack I'm going to wear.

Everyone says, "Oh, the wedding is eating your life? It was supposed to be small? That's how it always goes, suckah!" Except they don't say the last word out loud, only silently to themselves. So far extreme wedding frazzlement has gotten me out of:

1. forgetting to pay the rent.
2. Skipping my volunteer days at the kids' school.
3. Working the school book fair (that was a special exception, we found out that a certain someone is trying to prevent the kids from being at the wedding with us and I had a small teeny tiny nervous breakdown. I'm much better now).
4. Cleaning the kitchen (this one is still a projection, I'm banking on Todd doing it tonight if I whine and complain enough about how sick I am* and how much I have to do).
5. Exercising (again a future hope rather than a reality. Todd has turned into a drill sergeant).

*Cuz yes, what I needed was a blurry head cold featuring a nasty cough and a constant severe headache to help me plan the wedding. Thanks, body!



So where were we? Wedding, court, (oh yes, did I mention we're in the middle of a custody case? The fun never ends!) and trying to figure out what our next move is as Todd figures out whether he wants to get a job or go back to school (answer: play video games), all before May!! And also there's no money. For the wedding. Because of the no jobs thing. So I am planning on a paper bag themed wedding. Because they're free. Seriously, it will be awesome. Eat your heart out Pinterest.

The sad part is that I have roughly 8 million friends in the bay area but we can't invite more than a few people. Also my parents aren't coming because they don't love me (kidding, M &D!!!). Actually they're planning on hosting a reception for us in Ye Olde New England sometime this summer. Let me sum things up: Things are crazy, as usual. Things are wonderful, as usual. Todd is trying to convince me that we need more babies after I up and decided we don't. I am steadfast. But oooohhhhhhh, baaayyyyyybeeeessss!!!!! Who wants a wittle chubby cheeked baby? So cute and squishy and munchable and baby heads to sniff and baby toes to nibble and baby cheeks to nom on... Crap, I'm toast.

In Which Todd Cuts His Hair Snazzily But Fails to Bathe And The Children Are Gross(ly Entertaining)

Setting: Modesto, CA
Scene: master bathroom.

Todd: How does my hair look?

Jess: Woo WOO, babe, it's snazzy! I'll have to keep you inside for a few days.

Todd: Huh? Why?

Jess: To keep you safe from the ladies of Modesto of course, you handsome dog, you.

Todd: Right. [looks pensive, absentmindedly raises an arm and sniffs his extremely aromatic armpit- in which he'd tried to stick my face a mere moment before, realizes what he's doing and makes sheepish eye contact]

Jess: [nods, grinning] Yeah... you're right. Never mind. You can go wherever you want.


Setting: Modesto, CA, 
Scene:  living room.


Child #1: [singing] When there's something wrong, in your neighborhood, who you gonna call?

Child#2: [shouting] Poopsquishers!!

Setting: Modesto, CA
Scene: living room in which several seasons of Psych were watched in a matter of weeks

Todd: What if I were a superhero?

Child #1: I wanna be a superhero!!

Todd: You can be my sidekick.

Child #2: I wanna be a psychic!!!


[Convulsive laughter on part of all adults in the room.]



Setting: Modesto, CA
Scene: kitchen adjacent to living room in which several seasons of Psych were watched in a matter of several months.


Todd: [to Jess] ...Well what about Sean?

Child #2: Shawn Spencer?! Psychic detective?!!!??!?

Todd: [sarcastically] Yeah, dude, Jess's brother, who you've met, is Shawn Spencer.

Child #2: HE IS??!?!??!?!?

Todd: [facepalm]