Thursday, August 23, 2007

This is how I feel

I am tired of loss. Losing homes, losing friends; it's too much grief, too many [bad] changes in too short a time. I've crawled inside myself and locked the world out for months. Been numb. Suddenly it's wearing off and I can't bear it. I want the numbness back.

One Art
by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;

so many things seem filled with the intent

to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster

of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:

places, and names, and where it was you meant

to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or

next-to-last, of three loved houses went.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,

some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.

I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture

I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident

the art of losing's not too hard to master

though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

I know that my life is easy compared to Elizabeth Bishop's. I know that I'm whining and I should stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with...whatever I'm supposed to be getting on with... but I can't figure out how. I'm just done. I don't want to try anymore. I just want to go home.

Can someone tell me where that is?

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