Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Changes, changes, changes

Hello. Um, yes, can I order a little stability please?
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No, no pepperoni on that, I'll be perfectly fine with just finding a place to live for more than six months.
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Goat cheese? Hmm, tempting, well, I suppose.. no, that's okay, I'm not looking for anything fancy, just a more-or-less permanent home to hang my hat large collection of clothings many of which are in danger of no longer fitting if I don't stop eating cookies for breakfast.
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What do you mean, why did I move out if I didn't have to? I would've had to eventually, my roommates are getting married in July and my little bro is moving to California sometime this summer to live with me.
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Well, yes, March is a few months before July-
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But my paycheck got messed up and I couldn't pay the rent for three whole days and plus I quit my job because this whole being-gainfully-employed thing just wasn't working out for me. And besides, where's the drama in staying put?
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Weelllll, it seemed like it would be a fun idea to live with Peter and Julie for a month or two. Plus I had this plan wherein I was going to move home to New England for an indefinite period of time
travel across the country by train
Join the circus

Become a national park ranger
Lose my ability to provide for myself in an adult manner-
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Who asked you for your opinion anyway? You're just the delivery guy. Stop trying to make sense of my crazy and do your job.
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*sigh* It's all right-
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No, I understand that your mother beat you.
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Uh huh.
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I'm sorry for bringing up such painful memories-
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No I don't want to give you a paper cut and rub lemon juice in it, I just-
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Yes, you're absolutely right it was rude and uncaring of me.
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I'm terribly sorry, okay? Now can we please get back to my order?
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The deluxe package? Well how much does that cost?
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What!!?!?!? I said I just wanted some simple stability! Why would I want to pay that much for an extended warranty package if your product is guaranteed?
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Well why bother having a guarantee if it's not worth anything?
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I don't know.. I'll have to think about it.. It's an awful lot-
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Yessss.
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You did start by asking personal questions.
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Now, really! I think "hurled brutal accusations" is stretching it a bit.
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Well, I certainly didn't mean to ruin your day.
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Yes, I know delivery guys have feelings.
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Of course. I have no doubt that if I cut you, you would bleed.
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No that is not a threat! You said-
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But-!
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Fine! Whatever! Sign me up for the &^$#!@* deluxe package. And why don't you throw in some pepperoni while you're at it, I might as well get my money's worth.

4 comments:

flutter said...

wow.

COMomma said...

what?? what happened? ah! I'm out of the loop!

jess said...

Heh, I set out to write about the insanity that has been the last few weeks of my life but then I started having way too much fun. Sorry about the confusion. I'll write an explanatory post soon, right now I have to go feed a cat in Sunnyvale and then back to San Jose pack the rest of my earthly belonging (like the clothings) up and haul them over to my new temporary home. :)

yo mama said...

jess, you are so silly !!! But don't you worry- you just come home and let yo mama take care of you for a while. Besides, I hear the window factory is hiring! Maybe you and Zach can work there together, you know, he cleans one side of the window and you do the other! But if all the window jobs are full you can stay here and be our scullery maid. You don't know how hard it is to get good help these days! love ya , see ya soon.

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