-with the BF:
Me: Yeah, you should be glad you don't have a uterus. I read somewhere that the worst menstrual cramps are stronger than labor contractions. I used to be out of commission for at least a day every month, curled up in fetal position clutching my abdomen, moaning, mainlining ibuprofin and occasionally throwing up.
Michael: (w/look of sympathetic horror) Excuse me, I need to go hug my penis now.