Sunday, November 30, 2008

Milky the Cow *or* My Neglected Childhood

In the fading halcyon days of 1978, there was a wonderful new item on the pre-Christmas toy market that I absolutely had to have. Milky the Cow was a plastic cow that you could actually feed water to and subsequently milk (note: Milky did not produce actual milk but came with tablets that turned the water into some sort of whitish liquid that was allegedly non-toxic but probably caused cancer in laboratory mice).

You may have guessed how this story ends.. I didn't get Milky the Cow for Christmas. I don't remember any of this- obviously it was such a traumatic experience that I have repressed the painful memories- but I'm sure I was devastated on Christmas morning to find the living room devoid of the one thing my heart was fixed on. I probably cried for days.

Either that or I forgot about Milky the Cow before Christmas even arrived and any lingering vestiges of bovine longing were wiped out the moment my greedy little eyes fell on the pile of presents under the Christmas tree.

For years, every time I alluded to the fact of my parents' poor child-raising skills warping my young mind and ruining my future life, my mom would stage a mock breakdown and "confess" that she had actually bought me the Milky the Cow I so desperately pined for that Christmas, hidden it away.. and had then reverted to her original opinion that Milky the Cow was the stupidest toy ever invented.

She decided then and there that she was not going to spend money on a creepy toy that would probably poison her child. Having come to this conclusion, she marched right back to the store and returned MY Milky the Cow before I ever saw it! My mother would profusely mock-apologize while lamenting that I would never be emotionally healthy, all because of her tragic mistake in returning Milky the Cow. I did not appreciate the intense humor my parents seemed to find in this display.

In any case, Milky the Cow became a shorthand in our family for parental blame. Bad grades in school? It's probably because you never got Milky the Cow. Obviously if my parents loved me they would have given me one. In the brief time this stellar toy was on the market (I believe about 1 (one) Christmas season would do it) it earned a place in family lore forever.

Fortunately, Mom, I have found a way for you to make things right and redeem yourself as a mother. How often do you get that kind of chance for only $12.99? I know what I want this Christmas.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Thanksgiving

Zach and one of his roommates (my unofficial little brother, Mabi) hosted Thanksgiving yesterday at their house. A delightfully random sprinkling of fun people who don't have family in the area came. We all brought food and ate and talked and laughed and sat around soaking up the warmth from the fire until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.

I missed the rest of my family, especially since times are hard for some of them right now and I hate that I'm far away and can't help. But I'm really grateful for Zach's presence and it's also a great thing to have such a great "family" here in my church community. I love that they instantly and wholeheartedly embraced my brother (Zach would say it's natural because he's so awesome. He's so modest, that boy :).

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Bought a Bed!!

Michael and I jumped on a bunch of mattresses tonight and picked out a super comfy one for his new place. Fun! I've never actually purchased a brand new bed before. I feel like such a grownup. Now he just needs a dining room table so we don't have to sit on the floor to eat.

I'm going to make a highly experimental dessert for Thanksgiving at Zach's tomorrow. All I know so far is that it's going to consist of tart apples, that flaky layered pastry stuff, and sugarcinnamonnutmeg. I figure you can't possibly go wrong with those ingredients. I also bought an intruiging lemon at the local produce store the other day and I can't wait to try it with aforementioned ingredients. It's a sweet lemon. Yeah, me neither; but this guy in the store was raving about them and how he's never been able to find them anywhere else. According to him it's not a "sweeter" lemon, it's actually sweet. We'll see!

I've been working more this week and making a little money, which is never a bad thing (although at this point it just means that Michael is not going to be totally supporting me this month). The problem is, I can't make any progress on the Etsy shop when I'm working all the time. Grrr. It's frustrating because I've got so much fun stuff, I just need a few free days to work on the logistics of getting it up and out there. Two separate Thanksgivings with my & Michael's families make it a busy holiday weekend, but hopefully I can get some stuff done. I'm really trying to get the shop open before Sunday. My awesome friend Christy bravely volunteered to be my business partner and take care of all the stuff I'm bad at, but she already has a job that pays her actual money, so I'm thinking she might be a little preoccupied with, y'know, real work. Oh well.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Cloudy California

I am cold and grumpy. California has not been sunny for several days and I can't seem to stay warm or motivate myself to do anything useful after work. I think I have light-absorption issues. I get depressed when I don't see the sun for more than a day. What do they call that; SADD? Yeah, that's me.

Michael & I are making an Ikea run tonight (postponed from Sunday) to get some useful stuff like furniture. He was inordinately pleased and surprised that I did his laundy even though I'd told him I was going to- the new apt complex doesn't have in-unit washer/dryers, unfortunately. :P I'm hoping the bright flourescents and shiny cheap furnishings will perk me up.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Either that or Early-Onset Dementia

I am voluntarily doing a boy's laundry.

It must be love.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Finally, someone is moving who is not me!!!!

Michael has a groovy new pad! He moved yesterday into a great apartment about a mile & a half from me. I'm pretty sure he did it because he couldn't bear the distance that he lived from me. It was all of 15 minutes by car so you can understand how a besotted young man would pine away with such a geographical gulf between himself and his One. True. Love.

Anyway, he didn't come right out and say it, but I'm fairly sure all that muttering about moving in the opposite direction, or maybe to a different state and not giving me the address, was just Manly Bluster, designed to cover up the fact that he couldn't live without me. I'm completely confident that soon he is going to give me a key and tell me what apartment number he's in.

Okay, I do have a key. :) I helped* him move in yesterday and last night we made an endless a delightful trip to Target to procure important things like a toaster (no bread was purchased, however so I don't know what he's doing with it, toasting his socks, perhaps?) and argue over whether anyone could possibly do anything with a microwave that would justify rejecting a used model on the grounds that, "You never know where it's been."

Today, off to Ikea, the kingdom of cheap furniture and Swedish meatballs, where I plan to bounce on all the mattresses and test out ever single comfy chair. And yes, I do feel somewhat better today. Although I would advise against getting up at 6:15, having hot chocolate and sugary cereal, and then going back to bed at 8. My heartburn has heartburn.

*If by helped, one means "made witty observations, held the door open while he and his dad carried stuff through it, and brought two boxes of Jell-o to christen the cupboards with because Michael bought them for me when I was sick and later delighted in telling me about how Jell-o is made from horse's hooves and glue and now I will never eat it again."

Friday, November 21, 2008

Suck

It's that time of the month again. sigh. Excuse me while I avoid contact with the outside world for a week in order to ensure the outside world's continued survival.

Why does everything have to be so hard? Am I just temporarily seeing the world through PMS-colored glasses? Because right now everything just seems to suck. Everything.

Herman, Is that you?? Then who am I sitting on?

funny-dog-pictures-with-captions-wtf-mom
see more puppies

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Miss Little Freckle-Face Redhead

That's how my mechanic just referred to me. Sigh

Peach Pit Pets

I just finished reading a book that heavily featured peach stones and peach trees. The peach parts seemed to indicate some sort of romantical nonsense in this sappy tale. Fer instance; the women in the small north shore town had been rumored to have worn peach stones around their necks in centuries past in hopes that this would help them find their one true love.

The story itself was okay. Sweet, but fairly predictable, it still wasn't a bad lightweight read for a cloudy headache day. Not that the headache itself was cloudy. The Stabbing Eyeball Pain tm was as sharp as ever, but the cloudy gray skies just added to my need to crawl back under the covers and try to sleep it away. When the pain abated, I read a little peachpit romance, and felt better.

My point though, is that the whole idea of wearing peach pits around one's neck for an entire summer brought back memories of my childhood, and the year of the Peach Pit Pets. Libby may back me up on this- we were strange children. It was sometime during elementary school and involved Lib, who is 3 years younger than me, our neighbor and best bud Jen, who falls right between us in age, and moi at... maybe 10 or 11?

For some reason, after eating peaches in the backyard one day we collectively decided to build habitats and keep our peach pits as "pets." I mentioned that we were weird, yeh? It was great fun and our parents' were thrilled that we'd found "pets" that required absolutely no effort on their parts. We spent hours arranging little bits of grass for the PP's beds, etc, in their little shoe box kingdoms.

The point of this story is that I don't believe Alice Hoffman ever kept a Peach Pit Pet, because if she had, she would not have come up with that ridiculous legend about women wearing peach pits on necklaces all summer long, and I'll tell you why. After a short time of bliss, the PPP dream shattered, not all at once, but with a tiny hint of something...foul. Like a pet that hasn't been bathed. Or like a pet who has died and been left out in the sun to decompose. Probably somewhere in between those two, actually. Our pets were rotting from the inside out and had to be abandoned finally to the compost heap, their fated destination, it seemed. Oh, how we mourned.

Later we would move on to hamsters, but that's another story...

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

More Etsy



It's coming along, I swear. Josh is waiting for me to get my act together so he can come and take more awesome pictures of stuff, because mine are so clearly not awesome.

These are pages from a Cavallini & Co calendar that I made into stationary. You just write on the inside and fold it up, one piece mail!

Good Idea

Scientific Update

Tiny, long-lost primate rediscovered in Indonesia

And then the president of the Pygmy Tarsiers sent a txt to the Association of Scientists Who Trap Animals and Put Radio Collars on Them that had several choice description of the scientists' mothers and this phrase, "Why do u thnk we've been hiding from u for the last 8 decades, jerks?"

Yummy!

poo
more the engrish!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

funny-dog-pictures-with-captions-i-kill-you
see more puppies

The Winterbottoms' Thanksgiving Prayer

Dear Lord, we thank You fer the flood in April. We lost two cows and a chicken but at least it put out the barn fire and allowed Jed to boat to school for a week when his leg was botherin' him anyway. On the subject o' Jed's legs, we're right thankful that the gangrene only took one but t'other one is still lookin' a mite green and we don't want to bother you or nothin, but perhaps You could save us the doctor's fees and just let this one fall off on its own? We're a mite short this month on account o' havin' to pay to get Granny bailed outta pokey again.

See, she were causin' a ruckus in town what with stripping down to her skivvies and tryin' to dance on the bar at McKeevers Saloon. She don't mean to offend Lord, she just gets a bit confused sometimes, like that one time she streaked through the church nekkid on Easter Morn' yelling "Jesus Loves Me This I Know" at the top of her lungs. We hope You understand that she meant no disrespect. And it surely weren't as if anything lascivious were happening in your house on account o' Granny bein' such a withered old bag o' bones nobody in their right mind would find her scrawny behind attractive at this stage in her life, though as she does tell it was quite a different story back when she were a young girl. We have had to keep the younger children away from Granny as we were afeared she might corrupt their innocent young minds with her stories of the olden days.

Dear Gracious Lord, we would also like to thank you fer the fire that burned half the barn b'fore the flood put it out, as it killed many of the locusts that were devourin' the corn stored within. Course it also burned the corn up to a crisp and we all smelled like a summer corn roast for nigh' on a week, but we are still thankful because we know that Thine providence will provide even after we eat these last three turnips for Thanksgiving dinner.

Thank you also for Ma's bein' filled with Your Holy Spirit. She don't get much cookin' or cleanin' done anymore, but she sure does seem happier. She's out in the side yard, rollin' around in a barrel right now. We tried to get her to come and share a Thanksgiving meal with us but she threw clods o' dirt at us so we left her alone. We figure that means more turnip fer the rest of us anyway.

We thank You especially fer Pa's amazing recovery from pleurisy. We thought fer sure he was a goner and we had already sent Aurthur to town to bring back the doc so's we could get a signed statement, and cash in that insurance policy Aunt Madge bought Pa for his 50th birthday. We were sure relieved when he pulled through even though the hundert dollars from that policy would have allowed us to eat for another month and feed the cow that survived the flood. And on the subject o' Bessy, we're thankful that she didn't eat all of the Johnsons' cabbage when she escaped, just half. They were kind enough to let our Jed make restitution by plowin' their back forty. It might take him a while considerin' the situation with his leg, but he's a determined boy and we know he will get it done before the deadline the Johnsons have imposed and they will not have to call the sheriff.

In conclusion, dear Lord, please bless these three paltry turnips and... sorry Lord, we gotta wrap this up short on account o' Granny once again running buck nekkid through the barnyard, not that this is usually a cause for alarm but she seems to have stolen Ma's barrel and Ma is looking fit to be tied. We gotta get out there and separate those two b'fore they get in 'nother catfight like the one last year when Granny bit Ma's ear so hard it got infected real bad and needed those fancy medicines from town.

Amen

This would be funny no matter who was sitting in Bush's chair

Obama Pictures and McCain Pictures
see Sarah Palin pictures

Meh

I got nothin'. If you (Lisa) want an actual post, comment or email me a topic and I'll see what I can do.

[Do you like how I turned that right back around and put the onus of coming up with ideas on the reader?!? I might be a genius, or a person whose blog doesn't get read by anyone. Only time will tell.]

Sunday, November 16, 2008


I was tired this afternoon, so I laid down for a little rest and suddenly I was awoken from a bizarre dream by horrible yowlings and screamings outside my window. It was dark, and I was very confused. It took me awhile, but I finally came to the conclusion that 1) There was a catfight in the front yard. 2) It was not the middle of the night, and 3) I had been asleep for several hours. Oops.

Jury's still out on whether our resident cat won the fight or not. There's a fair amount of fur on the front lawn, but much of it seems to be his. Poor Oscar!

So, since I'm still not fully awake, that was meant to be an excuse for not writing anything coherent today. Instead, please enjoy this picture (for purely illustrative purposes) of Libby sleeping in the car. She loves it when I do this.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

New Digs

I decided to start a new blog since my recent need to wrestle with deep theological issues that inspire controversy seems to be conflicting with my equally strong compulsion to make cute pink sparkly things and sell them online added my deep desire to be randomly ridiculous and completely. not. serious.

So this here's the place where I'll be posting the serious stuff. Breathe a sigh of relief, readers-all-except-Lisa, you don't have to listen to my rantings anymore! Unless you want to. Until/unless I can figure out how to move an entire post (including comments) over here I'll just be linking to the last few over here.

For Katie

funny pictures of cats with captions
more animals

Friday, November 14, 2008

song chart memes
more music charts

Psst, Hey You.... Yeah You

I know there are more of you reading than there are commenting. And I'd be willing to think that at least a few of you are not commenting because you disagree with me. If you see something here you think is wrong, challenge me on it!! Please!? I can take it. :) Post anonymously, if you'd rather not announce your identity, I have no problem with anonymity as long as you're not mean.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Thinking About Stuff: Part 1

Something that's been kicking around in my brain lately: How has the church gotten so off track in the way we treat (and thus appear to) the rest of the world? It's a big topic so I'm going to start this as a series and take it in bits and pieces. I'd really like feedback on this subject so if you disagree with anything I say, please comment and tell me! I'd really like to hear the opinions of my non-Christian readers too. ;) Maybe we can start a dialogue here where people actually listen to what others have to say. Wouldn't that be something new and exciting!

Also, I know I'm generalizing here. I'm not trying to say there isn't anyone doing what they should be in the church, just commenting on what I see on a large scale.

"Why does everyone hate us?"


In my experience, many Christians seem so isolated in a world of church events & Christian social circles that they're able to convince themselves that non-Christians, as a whole, seem to hate them because the unbelievers are convicted by the Christians' holiness and righteous living. Gack.

There's little reaching out on the part of the church to those outside of it. Oh we pretend to reach out: "Take this tract and we'll give your kid Halloween candy!"

"Come to youth group and we'll let you roller skate in the rec room!"

"Come in, look like us, and we'll accept you!"

But the truth is that very rarely is an offer of help put forth without strings attached. We serve so that others may be won to our cause, not out of love. Can you imagine a church program based on showing love to the homosexual community, not with the intention of "curing" gays or making them into model Christians, just loving them? This has nothing to do with the argument over whether homosexuality is a choice or a biological imperative. It has nothing to do with whether living a homosexual lifestyle is a sin, or whether it's healthy or rewarding to society. Do not let these issues interfere with what should be a simple question. Are we or are we not called to love all people? And are we only called to love them if and after they repent, or is the state of another's heart the province of God alone?

We've lost the central point of Christ's message.

Anyone?....Anyone?...Bueller?

"Hi little girl, Is your Mommy home?

It Happened Again!

I Blame the Happy Bunny Shirt. It was one of those serendipitous goodwill finds. People seem to think it's appropriate for me, somehow. Except for Zach, who says, "Jess, anyone who knows you well suspects you."

Sneak Preview

I've been having so much fun creating the last few weeks that I'm almost afraid to hope that I might be able to at least partially support myself this way some day. I have a million different projects going on at once- magnets, cards, journals, albums, Christmas ornaments & more... I'm practically giddy getting to use all of these great craft materials I've collected and saved (and lugged around the country) for years.







Here's a peek at the new Etsy shop. Glass cabochon magnets made with various bits of recycled packaging, scrap paper, and old Christmas cards. :) I'm working on getting more images uploaded and I should be having the (virtual) grand opening by Saturday at the latest. Stay tuned!!
engrish, yings, take, out, food
more the engrish!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Snuggleworks

Speaking of Etsy shops, have I mentioned that my awesomely artistic sister Libby has one??

I've been meaning to put up a link for, oh... forever and never remembered when I was actually near a computer. Here's Lib's Etsy store Snuggleworks featuring some of the cutest baby stuff ev-ah. Some of it modeled by my niece, who is of course, the cutest, chubbiest baby who's ever lived. But don't take my word for it..

Happy Veterans Day

Hug a veteran today. I'm headed over to Zach's to do so. If you're not lucky enough to have your own persunel veteran like me, go look for one. They are everywhere, silently blending in to the background of a country they were willing to lay down their lives for. However you feel about war and the necessity of it, you have to respect these men and women who take large risks for little pay and less thanks.

Obama Pictures and McCain Pictures
see Sarah Palin pictures
fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures

Well Put

This gets at a lot of my feelings about the current state of the economy and the world in general. I give to you- Black Hockey Jesus and The Wind in his Vagina. Don't think too hard about it, just click over and read. :)

Monday, November 10, 2008

Reading at Present

>>I just finished Alice Hoffman's Skylight Confessions (thanks, Sandra!). It's the first work of fiction I've started in a while that I didn't put down halfway through in a fit of disgust. I really enjoyed it, though I think I tend to mix Hoffman up with Alice Walker, which always leaves me bit confused at first when reading either of their books'.

The story is sad but hopeful. It took me a few chapters to really get into it but when I did I remembered that feeling of reading a good novel and hating to put it down because I need to find out what happens!

>>Also reading- Surprised by Hope by N. T. Wright. It's a bit weighty and I can't figure out if Wright (who is obviously a person of considerable brilliance) isn't as good a writer as he is a thinker, or if I'm just too dumb to concentrate on his wording for more than five minutes at a time. Probably the latter. Anyway, this book is an argument against the typical Christian view of death and the afterlife. Wright argues that an eventual physical resurrection on a renewed earth, rather than immediate trip to an otherworldly "heaven" is what the early church placed their hopes in. His point is that the way Christians view their place in the world has been deeply affected by the creeping-in of ideas inherent to gnosticism and Platonic thinking. It's quite fascinating, but slow going. I have a feeling I'm going to need to take notes if I'm going to get what I want to out of it. One drawback of library books, of course, is that one is not allowed write in them (though my long career as a reader of library books as shown me that certain people will not let this stop them).

>>Monkey Girl by Edward Humes This will probably be even more controversial than the above book among many of my readers and social circle. It's about the battle over the teaching of evolution and/or "intelligent design" (Oh, yes I did*) in public schools. Several pages in, I'm already cringing at the words uttered by many of the Christians portrayed in the book. I'm not saying that all Christians suck, or that we evolved randomly from single-celled organisms and there's no such thing as a God who creates. It just seems a little silly to me to assume that we know anything at all about how God made the world when all we have is a brief, vague and possibly non-literal** story to support the vast framework of "knowledge" that the church has built into an integral part of the gospel. Look back in history at any time the church has stubbornly opposed scientific evidence because the scientists who put it forth did not believe and tried to use the evidence as proof that God does not exist. Should we still be burning people at the stake for saying the earth is round? God does not need us to protect His reputation.

*I put ID in quotes because don't trust the movement behind ID., As with so many other movements the church has backed and funded, the facts in this viewpoint are based not on seeking actual truth, but on seeking to prove "the other side" wrong. This is not to say that I don't believe that God is intelligent, or that he designed us; I do.

**Saying that the creation myth [Myth is a framework that a society bases its identity and values on, it is not by definition something that is not true. On the contrary, C.S. Lewis postulated that mythology is a way God uses to explain deeper truths that human beings can only grasp through the use of metaphor and story, rather than outright facts.] may not be literal does not mean that I think the Bible is a collection of nice stories that aren't really true in a "this actually happened" sort of way. But why are we so insistent that the days described in Genesis are literal 24 hour units as opposed to ages (the Hebrew translation for the word used is one that can also mean, "day" as in, "In King David's day.."). When you step back from the fear that our "right to teach Christian values" in public schools is being threatened and look critically at the issue, what seems more like God's style: Bang, whiz, zap***, and there's the earth & all of its inhabitants? Or a deliberate and careful crafting over what seems to us like an interminably long time? He's in the still small voice, remember, not the earthquake.

It's also false thinking that accepting any part of evolutionary theory or evidence is to call into question the sovereignty of God. I can maintain that God could create the earth in a week if He wanted to without insisting that He did.

***Okay, just to prove that I'm showing some restraint in my irreverent rantings, I was tempted to write, "Wham, bam, thank you Ma'am." but I thought that might be pushing it a leetle too far for some readers. :0)

Comments?

Discussion?

Bring it on! Please.

Catplay

This roly-poly guy's stripes reminds me of much-missed Joey. :(



Although it's undoubtedly true that Sir Joseph Conrad would have been far too dignified to engage in this sort of ridiculous behavior.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

funny pictures of cats with captions
more animals

Report

So, Armenian food: good. Jess like.

Also, the Armenian dancing and music was beautiful and I'd love to see more of it. Now my interest has been piqued and I need to start reading about Armenian culture.

After getting home to Michael & A's place there was a fascinating discussion about politics, religion, and life. So much for getting to bed early. This discussion was one that I've been having variations of really often lately and I'm dying to talk about a lot of this stuff here but I just haven't been able to parse things thoroughly enough to write coherently about them. I need to do some more reading first. Just wait though, there will be controversy, I promise you. ;)

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Halloween


Michael & I both worked at our church's Harvest Festival on Halloween. I made no advance preparations so I was forced to go with my fallback costume- little kid w/pigtails. And freckles. Michael found it amusing that I drew 8 freckles on when I already have 273,409 natural ones, but it made the costume, I tell you! Besides, he didn't dress up at all so he can't talk. Though in this picture he's doing his best brain-eating zombie imitation. Halp!

SF Adventures

I'm going to San Fransisco to eat Armenian food tonight with Michael's housemate and our good friend A. A's family is Armenian and they moved here (from Lebanon) when he was a baby.

I'm excited to experience desserts of a different culture (DDC). I'm also psyched to spend some time with A and his girlfriend, D. So nice of Michael to live with a guy who's dating a great friend of mine!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Pretend I Posted This Yesterday

Oh look at the date, it's November 7th. Really!

Happy Birthday Lizard-Breath!! Love ya.

So, Snarky Clark, here's some "real writing": If you send me money so I can blog for a living I promise I will stop posting lolcats, until then, Chica, some of us have to hold down a day job and do not always have time for daily brilliance via: the blog. (Just teasing, L, I do appreciate you keeping me on my toes! ;)

Okay, the truth is I'm a lazy bastard. But hey, I have a good reason! I'm getting ready to (drum roll please) open an Etsy shop. Yay!! I've been wanting to do this for years and last night my awesome friend Josh-of-the mad-pictcher-takin-skillz came over and took some great shots of the few things I have managed to get ready to go up on the site. I'll be working on it for the next few days and I'll, of course, have an announcement here as soon as it's ready for customers.

I'm also working on a library article that'll hopefully be done this week. I get to interview a librarian. Woot!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Mailbox 2004- part 2

Another email exchange between the dynamic duo of awesomeness and my not-so-bad self. The first one's from me and Warwick is the town in which I lived at the time.

Gentle Lady,

Henceforth, wherefore art thou arriving in the duchy of Warwick? Our royal self is greatly anticipating your visit.

Lady S, that book you lent us was very good indeed though before it was finished I did have cause to remember that you told me it all turned out okay in the end, and I may not have believed it at the time.

Q J

My Lady,

We do foresee arriving in Warwick town upon the later afternoon of this morrow, the Saturday even. Yea, and Lord M's schedule has even changed, so that he does not attend a council in the Saturday morning, but we even prevail upon thy goodwill for spending the night upon thy couches.

Indeed, though we depart the Sunday morning, M must needs do work on the Sunday afternoon in the province of Brown, so that it seems I may spend again the Sunday afternoon with thee, my lady, if it pleases you.

I must needs do labor in the crafting-shop today, and even tomorrow, as time doth grow short for me.

-Lady S


Dearest Lady Jess, Earl of Davenport in Warwick-by-the-Sea,

I shall escort our good Lady S to thy realm early on the evening of tomorrow, the day of Saturn, whence we may commence with celebrations of the anniversaries of our births and pending marriage.

The Lady and I must undertake a brief voyage by sea early on the Lord's Day whilst you are in worship, but I shall return the Lady to your keeping for the afternoon.

Mayest your flowers bloom as lovely as your countenance,
Lord M, on Behalf of His Lady S

Email Inbox - 2004

I was going through my old emails when I came across these missives between my former housemates/partners-in-crime and I. This one features M, a criminal mastermind whose secret identity is that of a mild-mannered yet brilliant computer science professor in the wilds of Northwest Massachusetts. At the time of this dispatch, his secret identity was that of a mild-mannered yet brilliant PhD candidate in Providence.

This particular corespondence actually took place pre-housemate-ness when we lived in different states and had to plan complicate weekend excursions in order for M, S (M's faithful sidekick/fiance- mild-mannered luthier by day, vicious devourer of literary treatises by night) and I to have awesome adventures that usually consisted of sitting around and drinking hot chocolate, individually and deeply absorbed in our books.


Agent M,


We are a go for Saturday. I repeat Saturday is a go. Green light on movies and cute babies. You are approved for stinky diaper changing. Please advise as to time of arrival. Over and out.

-Agent J


Agent J:

Will deploy at 14:00, ETA 15:00 on Saturday. Is that sufficient time to intercept target? Will operations involve both land and sea?

-Agent M

Agent M,

15:00 is acceptable. Sea operations might be involved, bring adequate flotation devices. It has come to our attention that you were in doubt about the success of today's mission involving motor vehicles and this agent's driving abilities. Will talk to your immediate supervisor for disciplinary procedure. Agent S curious about your ETA tonight on mission "Mustard Meal with Multiple Jess's" Agent S is currently involved with preparation procedures. Please advise.

Agent J

Agent J1,

Am en route to safe house now.

Agent M



Wednesday, November 5, 2008

funny pictures of cats with captions
more animals

Let's Hope the Rest of America Can Show As Much Class

Obama Pictures and McCain Pictures
see Sarah Palin pictures

New Day

I'm excited about the election results. No matter what you think of Obama's politics you have to agree that it's a pretty incredible thing to have elected America's first black president. We've come a long way from the days when the color of your skin made you an inferior citizen (or not a citizen at all).

I wasn't a wholehearted Obama fan. I wanted to be, but I was wary of someone who's seen by so many as a political savior. While there are certainly things I disagree with Obama about, I was impressed with him as a person, and horrified by the vicious rumors circulated by people who opposed him.

I couldn't actually vote because my registration must have been lost when I renewed my license a few months ago and I didn't realize what had happened until it was too late to rectify. But if I had been able to, I would have voted for Obama.

Now that he's won the race, I intend to put aside any criticisms I have of him in order to support this man who- nobody is arguing this- has a very tough job ahead of him. Hopefully he'll succeed and be remembered as a hero. Maybe not, but I'm not going to be one of the people who's hoping he'll fail so that my doubts will be justified.

I'm hoping that now that the race is over people from both sides will put their differences aside and come together to try and make things better in the US and the rest of the world. I don't hold out much hope for the lady who wouldn't give Halloween candy to kids whose parents were voting for Obama, but please let her be a fringe wacko and not representative of most McCain backers. Can't we agree to disagree but still respect each other? (Yes, Dad, I'm talking to you).

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Email from France

Bonjour

Tuesday, June 8, 2004 5:38 AM
From:
"S..........@yahoo.com>

To:
"jess davenport"
Hello Jess,

The boys here are very ooh la la...I'll try to get one for you. If I can't fit one in my bag, I'll bring you back some french grooming products instead, ok?

Morgan has to go to a conference during the day while I goof off & eat croissants. I feel bad for him but the conference is over tomorrow.

Guess what...everyone here speaks french! also they all drive tiny little cars. I saw a Smart Car which was smaller than an armchair. So funny!

Au revoir. -S

For Wonder-Rachel

Nanowrimo

Nanoblomo

Nanoblomomofo- Crap I made up which you should not look too deeply into the interpretation of.

Does this count as a post??

Monday, November 3, 2008

Nanoblomomofo... or something like that

I am going to attempt to make it through November with at least one post a day. I can't promise anything since I tried several times to stick with nanowrimo and failed (but had fun anyway).

This is going to have to count as today's post because I feel sick from eating 4 bowls of Cinnamon Crunch Toast in rapid succession, for dinner. I blame Zach. He enabled me.

Ugh, I'm going to bed in hopes I feel better in the morning.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Overly Honest Conversation

-with the BF:

Me: Yeah, you should be glad you don't have a uterus. I read somewhere that the worst menstrual cramps are stronger than labor contractions. I used to be out of commission for at least a day every month, curled up in fetal position clutching my abdomen, moaning, mainlining ibuprofin and occasionally throwing up.

Michael: (w/look of sympathetic horror) Excuse me, I need to go hug my penis now.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Vote Yes

Because if Prop 8 Fails, the Country Will Be Overrun Wih Stores Like This!!!
engrish homo shop
more the engrish!

How to Craft a Proper Insult

1) Take a word from the first column.
2) Add a word from the second column.
3) Complete with a word from the third column.
4) Call you little sister the name you have created.
5) Get in trouble with your mom.
6) Blame Jess's blog for corrupting the minds of young America.

Mister
Captain
General
Corporal

Crabby
Fancy
Slappy
Twinkle (you can substitute Tinkle if you wish)

Poo
Pants
Butt
Germ

Sitemeter