Saturday, December 19, 2009
*Zach's girlfriend Christy's blog pseudonym shall henceforth be The Lovely Girlfriend. Because, quite simply, she is.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
I've fallen somewhat in Luke's estimation because I really suck at Lego Indian Jones, his favorite Wii game, but he still climbed into bed and snuggled with me the first morning I was here. Bailey doesn't remember me but after a day or two of hugging mommy's leg and shouting "No!" at me every time I entered the room, she's warmed up and gives me voluntary kisses and hugs.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
I'm constantly reminded of the fact that I am alone. My four nearest siblings are all married or in relationships. I keep thinking about Daniel in the middle of the night. I don't know why. He was supposed to have been here, that was the plan. I don't want to be with him. But I keep thinking anyway...
I can't sleep and I've chewed a hole in my lower lip, but this morning a little boy climbed into bed and snuggled with me and that helped. The last time I snuggled with him there were still traces of babyhood, not now. He's a boy now; all long legs and missing tooth and going to school. He tried to teach me how to play Lego Indiana Jones but I am a failure at video games.
My niece is still not sure about me. In her world there are a few good people- Mommy, Daddy, grandparents, the familiar aunties- and the rest are potentially scary. But she's warming up. Tonight she came over and gave me a hug and a kiss and I didn't even have to bribe her. I got to see my brother's sons for a little while before their mother decided on a whim to move out of state on a few hours notice and showed up to take them away. I'm not sure if I'll be able to see them again before I leave. We're never sure of anything where my brother's ex is concerned.
I want to go home. I want to be here but still be able to go home and sleep in my own bed at night. I want... I don't know what I want.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
I am sure you are tired of this. I'm tired of it too. It's all I've got right now.
There is nothing wrong with taking a drug that keeps you from wanting to kill yourself.
I need to be on antidepressants; this does not make me weak. Or maybe it does, perhaps it's okay not to be strong.
Why do I struggle with this so much?
Daniel didn't exactly approve of anti-depressants. He never told me not to take them but he approved and encouraged me when I decided to wean myself off of Prozac. In one of the last conversations we had, post break-up, he asked if I'd started taking them again. When I admitted that I'd taken just one small dosage the day before, after a day of dry-heaving sobs that I wasn't sure I could manage a repeat of, he expressed dismay. He said it was only because he know how hard a time I'd had getting off of them but I heard disapproval in his voice. Whether it was really there or only in my imagination I immediately stopped thinking about the possibility of going back on the drugs. He was right, I'd had months of side effects (even though I never had any while I was actually taking the damn things) even though I decreased the dosage incredibly slowly. It would be ridiculous to start back up only a few months later.
Why on earth would I let myself be affected by the opinion of someone who I know all too well hasn't figured out how to handle his own emotions or deal with his own issues?
Still I keep arguing with myself: this is circumstantial, you know why you're sad. It's painful when a relationship ends, but it happens all the time and you should be able to get through it. My rationale seems to be that it's not true depression if there's a reason behind the despair. But for me it's always circumstantial. My bouts of depression are triggered when life knocks me down and I can't seem to pick myself up again. So it makes sense that now would be a reasonable time for me to call the doctor and ask her for a prescription again. Except for the small cold voice that whispers in the back of my mind, "I don't want hope. I don't want to keep trying. It only leads to more pain. I just want an end to it."
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
If you ended up here because your boyfriend beats you and you're looking for help, you'll find more of it at these links. but if you're afraid and don't know who to talk to and need a calm, listening ear, please please feel free to email me. My email address is on the profile page which is linked at the top right corner of this page.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Information that might help.
So my friend Kate cut my hair. She did an awesome job but she's still in training so it only cost ten dollars! Woot!!! If you want her to make you look beauteous too go The Academy for Salon Perfeshionals(this is not really the way they spell it) and ask for Kate Sempek. But hurry, soon she'll graduate and get a fancy salon job and then she'll be able to charge you way more.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
It has just come to my attention that I failed to provide you with some important information regarding fundraising for our Uganda trip. The checks for our Uganda trip are not tax deductable. This is because we are paying [the NGO in question] for goods and services for our trip, and because our trip is not 75% or more a service trip. The latter enables us to spend time learning about poverty (home visits, etc.) and the work that [the NGO] does. We will be doing some service projects and spending a lot of time with kids, etc. If this poses a problem for you, please let me know, and I will make it right.
In His Grace,
Avery "Once you pop, you can't stop" Pringle*
*name changed to protect Pringle's anonymity
Dear Miz Pringle,
I personally am incensed about the failure of my large check to be deductible from the taxes I don't pay seeing as how I don't always exactly report my earnings. Death to the tyrannical government!!!... As I was saying. I would appreciate it immensely if you tore my giant contributatory check into tiny tiny shreds and then put it through the dishwasher before returning it to me in an unlined A6 envelope with a liberty bell stamp and a return address label that has cute puppies on it. If you do not currently possess cute puppy address labels consider contacting the ASPCA and indicating that you may at one point have a desire to contribute to the care and feeding of underloved animals. You will shortly be overwhelmed with free address labels featuring an assortment of cute fluffy creatures and can select an appropriately puppy-ish one to adorn the unlined A6 Envelope containing my returned check remains.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
This picture is from the time several Christmases ago when I played my mom in Scrabble and I whipped her with, like, a forty point word and I was all In your face, woman!!!! and she was kind of a sore loser because when I asked her to hold the board up a little higher so that I could document for history the only time I've ever gotten that many points in Scrabble she was all "Like this?" and with a wide-eyed innocent smile, she tipped the board so high that all of the tiles fell off.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
p.s. I LOOOOOOVE Peter Gabriel. Just thought you should know.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
I think the church should bury its collective head in the sand while chanting, "There's no such thing as global warming!!" Yeah, that works. My dad, for instance, holds fast to his belief that the hole in the ozone layer is a crazy story Al Gore made up and the increase of skin cancer is just due to the fact that people wear too little clothing these days. Of course, Dad was also recycling and composting before it was cool to do so, so I guess it all balances out.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
2. Would you have forgiven Gilbert sooner than Anne did?
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Human by The Killers
The video's linked above but I can't embed it. Here's a purely audio version.
And yes, I know I'm a giant lame-o because I never post and I asked for suggestions and haven't even used any of them. I'm just... I don't know, stuck, lately? It's been a rough week, with too much emotional crap I'd thought long dealt with and other crap that I don't know how to deal with rising to the surface. I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety (like near-constant low-grade panic attacks) and I'm not sure if it's just due to emotional stress or if I should get checked out in case it's something the doctor could actually help with. In any case, music is all I can safely think/write about in such a public forum right now. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate the suggestions though. I will use them eventually!
Friday, March 27, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
James Scott at 12:23pm March 12
How many do you own?
Heather Coyne Thorpe at 2:26pm March 12
Why did you leave it so long that the water froze around it?
Michael R Lockard at 1:10am March 13
Four now. Two are the kids, my race kayak from last year, and the new tandem, Yellow Lightnin'
Michael R Lockard at 1:12am March 13
I left it against the side of the house all winter where the snow falls on it and the water drips off the roof and freezes into an icy kayak tomb.
Jess Davenport at 10:37am March 13
I hate it when my kayak freezes to the house.
James McCrillis at 4:02pm March 13
just set it on fire...it will get unstuck..and burned, but unstuck never the less
Jess Davenport at 5:14pm March 13
I hate it when my frozen kayak gets set on fire.
James McCrillis at 5:16pm March 13
you could always use it as an opportunity for a bar-b-q
Jess Davenport at 5:18pm March 13
I hate it when Jim bar-b-q's
James McCrillis at 5:22pm March 13
well in general everyone except kayakers usually have a really great time at a Jim McCrillis bar-b-q
Jess Davenport at 5:34pm March 13
I don't. He tried to kill me with a potato chip one time.
James McCrillis at 5:47pm March 13
well i am a trained assassin and potato chips were all that were available to me before you made me and tried to kick me in the shins.
James McCrillis at 5:48pm March 13
hey wait a minute this about Mike's kayak....burn it!
Jess Davenport at 7:55pm March 13
I think I'm going to write a FB app called "virtual kick in the shins." It will be like poking, only infinitely better!!!
James McCrillis at 8:04pm March 13
the power of positive thinking....
Jess Davenport at 8:18pm March 13
I like how we've completely taken over Mike's status comments
James McCrillis at 8:20pm March 13
I don't think he even realizes it....but does it really matter at this point Brain he is powerless to reverse the damage...tomorrow we take over the world...oh thats your line..darn
Jess Davenport at 8:24pm March 13
No, it's okay, Pinky. I like to let you play the evil genius sometimes. I'm taking a break today and being insane because I think I must have a brain tumor and my head hurts so much that death would be a welcome relief. Was that a segue?
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
for your graduation from veterinary school i wanted to get you something special. at first i thought a fur coat might be nice. but someone told me that your favorite animal is squirrel and i could not find anyone selling squirrel fur coats except this one man and he could not assure me that the squirrels had been treated kindly so i turned him down.
next i wanted to get you a hot air balloon, but apparently they are difficult to store and i was afraid you wouldn't be able to fit it in your volkswagon what with the casket and the full-size trampoline already being in there.
now i am out of ideas.
this is just like that time you turned 21 and i wanted to get you something extra special so i bought one of those beer hats that has straws on the side but then you told me the day of your birthday that you were converting to mormonism and shunning the evils of drink.
i still have that hat. sometimes when i am feeling down i put it on and sorrowfully drink beer out of it while telling myself over and over what a poor friend i am and how i let you down by not getting you that special mormon underwear that you really wanted.
it also reminds me of the time when we were kids and you told me my magic superpower was hiding in the closet for a long time and then locked me in to show me. those were fun times. sometimes when i wake up in the night scared from that pesky recurring nightmare i have of being locked in a small dark space and realize that i have wet the bed again i think of you and all the wacky shenanigans we got into together.
but back to your graduation present. maybe it would be rude to get you a graduation present when they are not letting you officially graduate because of that incident with the koala and the schnapps and the mormon underwear. (how are your petitions to be let back into the church going?) but i think it still counts though even if you can't walk across the stage and your name is not in the program and even though you had to agree that you would never never tell anyone what school you went to or they would revoke your conditional diploma. besides i am sure there are lots of veterinary clinics that would be happy to hire you even with the warning they wrote on your transcript.
well it looks like i will have to get you something practical like a turtleneck or jar of elmer's glue or a poster of jon bon jovi. i hope you will like it because it came from my heart even though it is not as special as a beer hat with straws.