Sunday, January 4, 2009

Thank You

Thank you, everyone, for the kind words and wishes, both here and on Facebook. I'm sorry to be such a downer. I am hanging in there and, in more than one sense, relieved. I'm glad that I don't have to try and hold a relationship together on my own any more. It was hard, heavy work and I'm tired. I'm sure this is the right thing to do, but it's just... hard. Obviously. 

I'll probably have second thoughts before long and delete the rest of this post, as I usually avoid venting at specific people ('cept for Guy-on-a-Bike) here. I feel like it's low and a little petty to call someone out over the internet if you know they're reading, and worse to talk about them behind his/her back (in a public forum, no less) but right now I'll be damned if I care. I am relieved, but the sad is coming. I can feel it like a breaker that's quivering above my head in slow motion. Only a few droplets have hit me so far,  but I can tell that any minute now the whole force of that wave is going to crash over me. I'm determined to stay afloat, but right now I just need to be angry.

*deleted by author* Well I did say I probably would..

11 comments:

Mandy Sue said...

Just try to remind yourself that it will get better. There IS a person that will stand up for you and treat you with respect and you needed to end this relationship to make room for that person.

I know, I know. Sometimes you just need to be mad and vent. I was there once or twice. It sucks.

But it will get better. You deserve it!

Amanda in RI said...

you are completely worth it,Jess. don't ever doubt that. (((hugs)))

Pat Fooks said...

I agree with Amanda. You are SO WORTH IT!! There IS someone out there who will cherish you. Don't settle for anything less!

Christy said...

Good for you for being honest about the need to be angry and vent here.
And I'll dog pile on the affirming "you are worth it" comments even if it at risk of making you annoyed with all the affirmations.

Sus said...

You are absolutely worth it!

Defiantmuse said...

I think that you did what you could to keep it together and you were clear about your hopes and intentions and were, in the end, let down. I'm sure there is frustration seeping out amongst all the pain and anger. But, dude, you're totally worth it and you WILL meet the guy who will be your husband and father to your kids. Hopefully soon. :)

RU said...

well- that is infuriating! I am sad to hear it but its better to cut ties now than wait and have it drag on for another year! I don't get it!! You are a gem and worth fighting for so don't believe the lie that it won't ever happen for you..... UGH...did I mention I am infuriated???
Get a good massage and get in a good workout (kickboxing anyone??)- nothing like a good sweat and a deep massage to flush out the toxins!

Telephone the Foot said...

As one who, in the past, knew I should have broken things off but didn't, let me submit that it is incredibly difficult not only to even admit it, but to then take action on it... Not to excuse anyone's behavior, but there's a significant amount of a man's identity vested even in the mere status and, sadly, even if ego is the only thing vested, it can be enough to prevent doing the right thing.

Let me also offer that, despite the lousy timing, it is ultimately better to have wasted "some" time now than to have potentially made an irreversible mistake. Both of you will learn invaluable things about yourselves and about what's important in a relationship.

jess said...

Thank you for all the kind comments. I feel so loved. :) I'm getting a little more perspective and stepping back from the anger a little bit. I'm hurt, because I really loved M and believed in him, but, try as I might, I couldn't convince him that he was worth it. So I suppose I'm as much angry for him as at him. I know he's hurting too. And he really is a truly good man, he just needs to find a way to believe that.

flutter said...

You are good.

Christy said...

YOU did delete! LOL. I was wondering if you would.

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