Sunday, February 22, 2009

Status Update: Slightly Nutty Cheese with a Side of Sobb Salad and a Fine Whine

That's right, faithful legions of... readers... reader mom. It's time for another talk about... ME!!! Because it's my blog and I can. Although if you want me to post status updates of how you're doing feel free to send them along. I'll definitely put them up although I can't promise not to tweak them just a little if the urge hits me because... well because I can.

So I'm liking the new job. Lil'guy and I have this special bonding ritual where I ask him what noise various animals make and he answers until I get to koala bear and then I grab him and blow raspberries in his cheek because who the hell knows what koala bears say anyway? 

Another favorite is the, "What happened to the toaster?" game. It goes like this, Lil'guy asks about 800 times a day (referring to himself in the third person, which cracks me up, because Will used to do that at this age and it's so freakin' cute) "What happened to the toaster, N.?" This is based on an apparently exciting episode wherein the toaster conspired to burn the house down and was subsequently banished to the garbage and replaced my a more well-behaved model. The standard lines go: Q: "What happened to the toaster?" A:"It broke." But that gets old fast so I started making up answers, giving myself extra points for absurdity. Thus: 

Lil'guy: "What happened to the toaster?"

Weirdo Nanny who will be blamed later for warping his mind and making him afraid that evil toasters are hiding in his closet plotting to take over the world: "It was abducted by aliens."

Lil'guy: "What happened to the toaster?"

WN: It had really always yearned to be an ice maker, so it ran off with a band of traveling refrigerators.

Lil'guy: "What happened to the toaster?"

WN: It turned into a helicopter and flew away to live (in sin) with Harold on the Island of Sodor, until helicopter marriage is legal.

Lil'guy: "What happened to the toaster?"

WN: It developed a deadly wheat allergy and could no longer perform it's toasterly duties without great risk to its health. 

Lil'guy: "What happened to the toaster?"

WN: It broke.

On the subject of overshare, I was all sad and weepy yesterday because I missed Michael. But then I Facebook messaged him and he called me and came over and we hung out like old times but without the undying love or making-out parts. It was good. I think we might be ready to get back to the business of being good friends. Time will tell and all, but today I feel good about it. 

Also, I started a book by a woman who used to be a feminist and then found Christianity and I thought it would be interesting but it really wasn't and I kept thinking, "Wow, her former friends are right, she IS obnoxious!" But as far as I could tell I wouldn't have liked her any better when she was a radical atheist so I guess some people just don't really change. 

Okay, one more thing: Slumdog Millionaire? Best movie ever. Until I find a new one. But definitely the best movie of the moment for me. Perfect escapist fairy tale except for the part where you know that lots of people actually live in abject poverty while you pay $2.99 for a Peet's iced tea. I might move to India. I could hold orphaned babies. I'm hella* good at holding babies.
 
*Non- Californians- this is some weird kind of CA slang. See also, "hecka" which is even more retarted. I don't really see the appeal but as most slang seems to originate here and then spread to the rest of the country, I thought I'd prepare you for what's coming your way. Hey wait, if California taxed slang, maybe we could afford to pay our bills and re-open all the schools! I'm off to email Ahnold.

7 comments:

Mrs. Spit said...

I'm dying to ask, what was the book?

Wonder-Rachel said...

HAHAHA I hated hella when I discovered it shortly after moving to CA in 2001. I was dating a boy and I told him I could not abide the word hella or his equally annoying phrase "whatevs". I laid down my rule & what do you think he did? Shrugged his shoulders and said "Whatevs." LOL Haven't heard hella more than twice probably since I moved away 3+ years ago. Funny stuff.

l i s a said...

well, duh, of course you should write about yourself. we don't come eagerly to the blog looking for updates on our lives; we want someone's else's.

glad to hear that things are going well with nannying and with michael. it seems like learning to be friends with exes takes a complete tragedy and redeems it somehow.

i'm curious about the book title, too, but also wondering about the line "who used to be a feminist and then found Christianity." are the two incompatible? looks like you have finally figured out that christians aren't always more likable than people who aren't christians (tee-hee, i know you knew that already).

really hope that budget-saving plan works out--could you save the rest of the world's economies while you're at it? 'cause, you know, i'm gonna be needing a job pretty dang soon.

jess said...

Lisa, that was the author's wording, not mine. And may have had something to do with why I disliked the book. :) Honestly, though, I do oppose feminism insofar as it's a "women are better than men" ideology. Whether or not that's the point many women treat it that way. Including the author.

I will work on the world economy but I can't promise anything. As for you... You are getting sleeeeepyyyy, you are applying for jobs in Poooortlaaaand

Stuce said...

Okay, just the opening line of this post had me rolling. Your humour is the best. How do you do that strike through of letters anyway?? I've been wanting to know that trick, but ain't the computer Saav that you, apparently are!

Jocelyn said...

As a mother and former nanny, I'm so loving these posts about your job.

But mostly I loved your first sentence here. It cracked me up.

Angie Bailey said...

OMG - the toaster part is completely cracking me up. I love it!

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