Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Weekend In Santa Cruz

A few weeks ago a friend of mine had access to a gorgeous beach house, he invited some people down for the weekend. There was plenty of wine and no shortage of beer but I don't think that had anything to do with the topics of conversation. A short lexicon of the weekend's key phrases:

Flaming shorts- EW* insisted that somewhere between soaked and completely dry, his swim shorts magically displayed flaming skull motifs. Doubt was expressed. The theory was put forth that EW was simply making up stories in an effort to get people to stare at his shorts. Many hours and several re-wetting and partial drying attempts later, after being displayed on the curtain rod and watched closely for an hour (and possibly, just possibly, a hair dryer was applied at one point, although that is a rumor which I cannot personally confirm or deny) the precise state of saturation was achieved and the shorts did indeed faintly show a flaming skull motif. 

However I prefer to tell the story this way: Last weekend EW had too much to drink, took off his shorts, and hung them on the curtain rod in the living room! 

The fact that he had already changed into pants is an irrelevant detail that bogs the story down. This is why I am a writer and you're not. I understand these things.

Extraneous nipple hairs: Again, EW stars, as the owner of a single mutant, 3-inch nipple hair. There are several incriminating photos of him stroking and murmuring to the freakish strand and all attempts to yank it out were met with the protest, "My preciousss!! It mussst ssstay!" 

Are you decent?: This is the proper query to preface an pillow-based attack  on members of the opposite sex in the middle of the night. It does ruin the element of surprise somewhat.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent, and everybody else too.


rudecactus said...

Sounds like, uh, an interesting weekend ;)

Jocelyn said...

Somehow, I don't think anyone there was protected--or innocent.

At least it wasn't your nipple hair.

jess said...

J, I don't know what you're talking about. It was simply a bunch of nice Christian young people- all right, people- having fun.