Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Woof

Would it be wrong to throw a poisoned steak over my neighbors' fence to silence (For-E-verrrrr, muah hah ha ha haaaaahhh) the dog that barks approximately every 3 seconds from 3 am until 4:30 or so? My head says, Maybe. But my heart pillow says, Yes, absolutely, go for it and don't skimp on the poison.

Alternate scenarios include; organizing the neighborhood into angry European-village-type mob with pitchforks and torches in style of Frankenstein movies, following barking to source and ringing doorbell at wee hour with beatific smile and beautifully wrapped box full of smelly old cat food tins I took out of my recycle bin (i.e. If you can't beat 'em, confuse 'em ploy), crawling onto roof and barking/howling at the moon for several hours every night (i.e. If you can't confuse em, join 'em ploy), getting up and writing down ridiculous ideas my brain comes up with at 3 am to share with teh internets.

4 comments:

Mrs. Spit said...

No, none of those are ok options, but you could invite the dog in, to sleep at the foot of your bed.

jess said...

Sorry Mizzes S. Dogs and I like each other better from a respectful distance of, oh, next door or so. Plus I'm pretty sure my roommate's cats would never recover from having a dog enter the house.

I know it's not the dog's fault and I was totally kidding about feeding the dog a poisoned steak. I'm really going to feed it to his owners. Because as far as I'm concerned there's not much excuse for letting your dog keep the entire neighborhood awake two nights in a row. Haha, kidding again! Not really planning to poison anyone, but can you blame me for thinking poisonous thoughts at 3 am as I listen to the maddening loop of "bark...bark...barkbark....barkbark bark....bark bark....bark...bark...

l i s a said...

oh, jessica, i hear you on this one! my personal nighttime noise nightmare is house and car alarms. somehow i don't think breaking into said house or car would help in this situation.

as for daytime animal-related nuisances, there is a murder (aptly named) of crows that hang out on one of the streets where i run. they squawk so loud that it makes this vegetarian pacifist want to learn how to shoot a bb gun.

jess said...

OOh, do you remember the crows in Buttonwoods?!? I did actually borrow Zach's bb gun but only because I knew I wasn't a good enough shot to hit anything. Still, shooting at them relieved my feelings of pent-up rage.

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