Sunday, November 15, 2009


Nothing too fascinating to report here. I don't feel up to being witty.

I'm still sad. I still cry a lot, frequently in unexpected and embarrassing situations. I'm kind of a bummer to be around at the moment, but luckily my friends still put up with me. Zach's a pretty awesome brother to have around. I've decided that- should ever have any desire to date again- future suitors will have to get the Zach seal of approval. I should listen to him more often.

I'm volunteering with the jr. high group at my church. Today was my first day. It was kinda terrifying. I felt a little like I was in jr. high again only this time I was taller (that is to say, there are a few 6th graders there who are still shorter than me). I can't wait for the first time a parent mistakes me for one of the kids.

My most faithful blog reader and dear friend Lisa is coming to visit this week. I plan to reminisce about how she used to have to lock herself in her bedroom as soon as she got home from work when we were roommates to prevent me from attacking her with a verbal torrent of, "OHMYGOSHIHAVEN'TSEENANOTHERGROWNUPALLDAYLETSTALKANDTALKANDTALK!!!!!!!"
I plan to threaten her with the sleeping in the loft of death (tm) if she gets out of hand, but as I remember, she's pretty well behaved. Seriously, Lisa, if you still have an internet connection: I can't wait to see you!!!

I'm going home for Christmas, which will be good. Thanksgiving, I wish I could just skip, but I'm thinking about working for extra money (I know, who hires a nanny on Thanksgiving, right? But according to the accursed nanny agency there's good money to be made. Only in Silicon Valley, friends). It's not that I don't have kind friends who've invited me to their Thanksgiving celebrations, I just don't know if I can deal with celebrations.

I'm reading a long biography of the James family. Plus finishing up rereading the Narnia chronicles. I feel an urgent need to get to the library today before it closes because I only have one book left to read!!! Clearly this is an emergency.

So that's it. I'm trying not to get sucked under. I'm trying to remember that I don't have the right to give up hope. I'm trying to believe that all things work together for the good of those who love Him. And I'm telling myself that just because I'm in the same place I was at the beginning of this year doesn't mean that I'm doomed to keep repeating my own damned history. Sometimes that's easier to believe than others.


Chris Tea said...

I was an aide once for a girl in 5th grade and I felt the same way, like I was in 5th grade again.

In my experience, things get really bad right before something amazing is about to happen. I don't know, its not a promise, but I'm just sayin'...maybe? I hope so!!

Gypsy Guru said...

I'm thinking, and bear with me here, that today was the first time in FOREVER that I've read your blog. It's also the first time in the same amount of time that I've written on mine.

Then I read Chris' comment - It's the truth: Things get the hardest just before the sky cracks open and rains down an incredible set of blessings you never would've expected.

I know it might seem like an unusual corner for hope to come from, but the darkness will pass. Have some tears when you need, smile if you feel like it, and know in your heart that you're NEVER alone.

Peace and bright blessings!

l i s a said...

I haz Internet! And I'm glad I checked your blog today. I'm thinking we might both burst into spontaneous crying at embarrassing moments, so will have to keep a supply of Kleenex and distracting jokes at the ready.

Also, even the loft of death might sound pretty good after 20 hours on a train! But if I'm lucky, I'll get two seats to myself and be able to easily fold my short self into them for sleeping! Yay for shortness, amirite?

(PS--Now junior highers on the other hand--that's scary!)

Amanda said...

Hey chickie-babe! Can't wait to see you at Christmas.

I think working on T'giving is a good idea. Think of the extra moo-lah you'll have for your trip. :) Although, I just wanted to give a shout out to the friends who have invited you over--I have a single friend who we invite over frequently for family occasions, and I'm always thrilled that she's there. Better company most times than Steve, who, as we know, does not light up a room. LOL

Jr. high kids, eh? Eli's age. Lovely. Bring a chair and a whip, you'll be fine. And those items should alert the parents that you're in charge. LOL

I'm sorry you're still sad. :( If I ever meet Daniel, I'll be sure to give him a hard smack, and a "What the hell is wrong with you?". :) And re: the in-law thing, a) it really is a pity I don't have a brother, you'd fit right in with us, and b) I have virtually no relationship with my in-laws, and I've survived 15 years of marriage. :)

Is this comment long enough? ROFLOL