Monday, January 11, 2010

Dear Anthem Blue Cross...

Thank you for the lovely flyer. It's so kind of you to ask if baby could be "in my future," and I'm thrilled to tiny little pieces that you have a program that offers free advice to moms and a magnetic erasable board you can put on your refrigerator to leave important information for your babysitter in plain view.

The flyer says that you send this information to all female plan members in my age group so I was wondering if it was my recent 35th birthday that triggered this mailing. If so I would like to tell you how much I appreciate the reminder (have a baby, before it's too late!) and how sincerely I hope that you get run over by a garbage truck full of poo.*

*This wish is not aimed at any specific individual employed by Anthem Blue Cross, just the organization as a whole.


Mrs. Spit said...

Dear Anthem:

You made my friend sad. I think you stink. I hope you get pregnant, and you get really, really bad hemorrhoids. Really bad ones.

Yours truly,

Mrs. Spit

NightSwimmer said...

Oh my god!! What is wrong with them? Dear Anthem, Bite me. I poke you with sticks. You are sucktastic. -Christy

Jocelyn said...

Ah, poodle, what a bummer. Maybe when you travel with my family to Europe next year, you'll hook up with a lovely Bulgarian man and have that damn baby and shizz.


I just got a piece of junk mail addressed to my dad (now seven years dead), from Medicaid (Medicare?). Anyhow, it advised him to switch to their plan "before it's too late." Um, yea.

Sarah said...


Ha ha, now you have a shot at being a "geriatric maternity" person, should the opportunity arise. No lie. Those insurance people are so quick with the felicitous (yet tactful!) phrases.