Monday, October 25, 2010

30 Days of Truth, 13: Sad

Day 13 → A prompt I do not care for so I willz replace it.

I've been really down lately. Nothing new is happening but everything seems so much harder. I think I've just had an epif epiphin  epifuny really smart* idea about why. This Friday is my birthday. It's also Daphne's birthday. In all the excitement and planning for Halloween and parties I neglected to connect the fact that it is also my grandmother's birthday. It would have been her 90th birthday.

Mimi was the matriarch of our family, with twenty children and twenty great-grandchildren. She is very much missed but in the whirlwind that was flying home for her funeral/meeting Todd and the kids/driving back across the country with them and moving and all the rest of the changes that were taking place in my life just then I didn't really have the emotional space to properly mourn her. I had intermittent crying fits at random gas station stops at various points across the country but I've lived far away for so long that it still doesn't seem real most of the time. I hadn't seen my Mimi in over a year. I miss her.

So I think I'll give myself the space to be sad and be okay with that. I had the best grandmother anybody could have asked for. She always smelled lovely, she gave the greatest hugs anyone has ever given, and she was beautiful, inside and out. She was wonderful, I miss her, and I'm sad that I never got to tell her about Todd, and Stone, and Daphne, who shares our birthday. And that's a pretty good reason to be sad.

* Yes, that's S-M-R-T smart!

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