Sunday, January 9, 2011

Where's the Love?

Okay, peeplz, I write a drunken blog post and Lisa is the only one who manages to comment. You are. All. Fired.

Except Lisa, whom I love devotedly because she makes me feel good about myself my acknowledging my existence. And Jocelyn gets a pass too, because she's a in Turkey.

Furthermore, I still have this horrendous @#$%^er of a sinus infection because I am too cheap to go to a doctor and that means every time I clutch my cheek and moan, "My face hurts!" I have to listen to Todd say, "It's killing me!"

No, no, really he only did that once. And has the black eye to show for it.

If I am still alive on Monday I plan to call my insurance company and figure out an actual dollar amount it will cost me for someone to tell me what I already know and give me antibiotics. And then I will call 12 local doctors all of whom will tell me that since I am not their patient they don't care are really busy can't fit me in for two weeks and I'll end up paying $100 to go to the crappy urgent care place we took Daphne to when she broke her finger where they had a nurse practitioner look at the finger and then sent us to the hospital for x-rays then told us that they'd be closed for the next 24 hours and probably no one at the hospital would read the x-rays for us "so maybe sometimes tomorrow night we'll tell you whether it's broken or not, ttfn!" I want to move to Canada and pay really high taxes and have free healthcare.

Todd is standing over the sink right now setting fire to small scraps of paper and then frantically extinguishing them. He has some weird habits but he's cute so I guess I'll keep him.

No- haha- not really. I mean he is doing the thing with the burning and the paper. And he is cute. And I do plan to keep him. But he doesn't do this on a regular basis. We got pirate treasure for the kids for Christmas. Along with this book. Our master plan of making clues and a map to lead them to the designated hiding spot (containing a tiny wooden chest that someone gave me with tea in it years ago and I never got rid of because wouldn't it be perfect for a pirate's treasure chest!?! plus awesome flea market finds of a bejeweled gold serpent bracelet and a ruby-eyed snake ring and other pirate-treasure-y things) combined with wacky crazy holiday madness and biting off more than we could chew to produce the slightly post Christmas gifttm, which then progressed to the when they get back from visiting their mother for the holidays gifttm to the OMG we have to stay up all night composing wittily rhymed clues and writing painstakingly-pirate-styled missives to hid all over the house so we can give it to them tomorrow!tm gift. All of that should make perfectly clear why my beloved has now progressed to chewing tiny pieces of paper off the edges of scraps of parchment-like paper and has the gleam of madness in his eye. Authenticity, people, it's all about authenticity.

If I could find my camera battery charger I could take pictures and make a really awesome blog post about our treasure hunt. Just sayin'.

Oh yes! I was going to talk some ore about Zach & Christy's wedding when I got distracted by the smell of burning paper. But now I'm too tired and icky feeling to do anything to go to bed. Plus also I'm virtual pouting* in order to get more attention comments. Hmph.

*That's where I make you read long nonsensical posts that end with an intriguing question which you cannot resist answering in the comments section.

p.p.s. If you were a pirate, what would your pirate name be?

Bonus question: What if Todd chose me solely for my skill in composing rhyming clues and speaking in pirate talk? How can I ever be sure he loves me for me?

Talk amongst yourselves.


l i s a said...

Pirates, children, and twu wuv. I pretty much have nothing to contribute to this conversation.
As for the sinus infection, um, yeah, time for a public option/single payer plan, people. I do not understand people (not you, of course) who complain about health care costs, but don't want a national health care plan like every other developed country has. Anyway.

COMomma said...

Want to fly to Colorado and visit our urgent care facilities? We have some nice ones and they do deals for cash-paying peoplez. Of course, the money you spend on the plane ticket would probably take you to your crappy place that is conveniently located near your pharmacy and near your house! Hmm.

Oh, and can I have my job back please?

MW said...

Hmmm... this post seems a lot more belligerent than the one before it... are you sure this isn't the drunken blog post? Was this a test?

My pirate name would be Swashy Esmeralda... some online pirate name generator gave it to me a couple of years ago and every once in a while my husband refers to me by this name.

jess said...

M- I was completely sober when I wrote this. Except if you count the decongestants, which I don't. I remember Swashy Esmerelda!!! That was in PS days. I wonder what mine was?

B- Yes, you are reinstated.

Lisa- Right?! The whole system is just a mess. :P And I happen to know of a smart single gal who went to 'the church of Mel Gibson' when we did who just found her soulmate. Watch out, it seems to be contagious.

l i s a said...

HAAA! Church of the Braveheart (but only the men, we ladies are just damsels in distress waiting to be rescued:) ).

jess said...

LOL, I still remember everyone being shocked when I surmised that the pastor had a crush on Mel Gibson but c'mon, I was just voicing what we were all thinking!