Monday, March 28, 2011

Scared

I had a doctor's appointment on Friday, uh, long time no do that. I needed a referral to a GI so I can get this Celiac-do-or-don't-I thing cleared up (currently I am eating wheat and, meh, I don't really see much difference from when I wasn't). If I do have it, it's important to adjust my diet because of the long-term health effects but life is just so much easier when I don't have to worry about cutting out gluten.

What I wasn't expecting, however, was for the doctor to find a lump in my breast and refer me for a mammogram. She assured me that it was probably a cyst and nothing to worry about and I believed her. I wasn't worried. That was Friday morning. Before I left the doctor's office I had an appointment for today to get the mammogram/ultrasound. I was impressed, this place is so organized! It was at some point over the weekend that it occurred to me that maybe not everyone gets scheduled for testing the next business day.

Then I thought about the questions the doctor had asked me (Is there any history of Fibrocystic Breast Disease- a benign condition exacerbated by caffeine- in your family? Do you drink coffee? Cola?) and her careful lack of reaction when I answered in the negative to both of them. I hate coffee and I'm not much of a soda drinker. My only caffeine comes from tea and I don't even have that every day. When I informed the doctor of that I felt all warm and fuzzily self-righteous inside. I am a good dooby! I limit my caffeine intake and I floss!!! Except that of course there's nothing remotely self-sacrificing about me not drinking coffee, I just can't stand the taste. Upon further reflection though, I realized that the right answer would have been, "Yes Ma'am, I drink a gallon of coffee and I have three relatives with FBD!" Because that would make this much more likely to be a simple, benign cyst.

I did some Googling (I know! Best thing to do if you want to freak yourself out!) and found that cysts almost always occur in both breasts. As far as I can tell it's one of their defining characteristics. I only have one lump. Or, technically, I should say that I have two small lumps and one of them has an even smaller lump in it. Haha, tinyboob humor! So in less that three hours I'll be getting left lump squished and then possibly ultrasounded (I think they only do this if the other test is inconclusive, I hope they do 'cuz I'm totally going to ask the technician if it's a boy or a girl because I bet their jobs do not include enough humor). It's probably nothing. It's probably fine. But I can't help feeling a little greedy and resentful. All those years I was alone and no one depended on me; I would've been okay with going home then. You wouldn't do this to me now, God? Now that I have people who need me? Would you?


Update: It's a cyst (breathe). I'm fine. Thank you for your thoughts & prayers. :)


6 comments:

l i s a said...

did you searching include fibroadenomas? will e-mail you more later.

l i s a said...

*your*

Christy said...

PHEW!!!!!! I totally went through that in like October, it was a fibroadenoma. Scariest thing ever! At least they didn't have to drill you for a biopsy!
Glad you are OK!
-Christy

Gypsy Guru said...

While I'm totally down with tinyboob humor (and indulge therein as often as decorum allows), I've got my fingers and toes crossed for you that it's benign cysts. I had a bout with pre-cancerous bits that had to be removed from another sensitive female area and I can say with all honesty that it was more invasive than childbirth. Granted, I "delivered" my children via Cesarian (read: I was gutted like a spring lamb), but the procedure to freeze and cut off bits of my body was still an empty, lonely feeling.

Just know you're NOT alone and having people who rely on you also means that there are plenty of people on whom you can rely (not to mention how fond they are of you).

Big hugs from your similarly small-breasted, sister-in-spirit!

jess said...

Thanks, guys!! Christy, I didn't know that, did I? I think another friend went through that too. After they sent me to ultrasound I was totally expecting to be sent for a biopsy. When the dr came in & said "No big deal, it's a cyst." I was like, "You couldn't have given me a hint over the last two hours?1 Geez!

M- I am one step closer to mailing your eucalyptus leaves! Packaged & ready to go. Getting to the PO is the big step though. ;)

Gypsy Guru said...

SQUEE! I can't wait!! (It takes me FOREVER to get to the PO - I still have my siblings Christmas gifts... And they're just gift cards... And I had them in plenty of time before Christmas to have gotten them to them by snail mail.)

And WHEW! Glad for you that it was just a cyst. :D

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