Wednesday, August 22, 2012

And By Accidentally I Mean On Purpose

Parental figure: Do you have something to show me?

Anonymous naughty child: Nope!

P: Your teacher told me today that she sent home a detention notice on Thursday. [It is now Tuesday.] . What do you have to say about that?

C: Oohhh, that. [produces note from backpack]

P: [reading] This is a new one from today. Where is the one from last week?

Child: Ummm. I dunno?

P: Did get a detention note?

C: Ye-ahhuh.  [checks backpack] But it's not in my backpack.

P: Did you bring it home?

C: Um.... yes.

P: What did you do with it?

C: I think I, umm... I put it on my bed. But I think, ahh, maybe... it might have gotten thrown away. By accident. Because it's not on my bed anymore.

P: Why don't you go check the garbage can in your room?

[Child comes back with miraculously produced crumpled ball of paper.]

P: [sternly]  Did it really get thrown away by accident?

C: Um... I think so? Probably.

P: Did you throw it away because you didn't want to give it to us?

C: Ummm... Yeah, Yup. Uh huh.

[Parental eyeroll shared]

P: This says you were rubbing your sweatshirt on J's head in class. Why on earth would you do that?

C:  But... we were learning about static electricity!!!!!

Oh, well that explains everything.


Jocelyn said...

So, do you know about the detentions because the teacher emails, too, or something? OR ARE YOU PSYCHIC?

The whole sweatshirt/rubbing thing just sounds like experiential learning to me, and everyone knows that stuff sticks longer than book learnin' any day.

jess said...

Even better- I work in the classroom once a week. Them thar kids don't get away with nuthin'!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Maybe, if you stopped forcing them to call you mom by making them do pushups if they dont, they would behave better and if you stopped alienating their mother, and lying about her via the internet on your "uncensored" blog and stopped all the crazy, and treating them like shit when their father isn't around, they wouldnt be acting out like they do. Perhaps you should actually call their mother back, since I hear that she is entitled to 30 minute phone calls every single day. Maybe also, you should stop getting mad about being called step mom, because no matter what you are their step mother, and will never be their birth mother, and defaming their mother on a public blog will only look bad on you in a court of law. Defamation and libel are very serious, if you don't believe it, just give it time ;)


Deeply Concerned Vigil Auntie

jess said...

"Auntie" K- we have them call their mother back EVERY TIME she calls them. She IS entitled to 30 minutes per day, which is why it makes us sad that she goes for weeks without calling them and then cancels visits at the last minute after getting them excited about seeing her. Check your sources, dear. In regards to treating them badly when their father is absent I have to giggle. If I could get the man to leave the house without me I might have an opportunity to unveil my "evil stepmother" side but the only time I see the kids without him is when I volunteer in their classrooms so I never get the chance to duct tape them to the wall the way I really want to.

Christy said...

Seems like the anonymous commenter is not very anonymous. Referring to herself as an “Auntie” would yield the possible commenter to a specific blood relative from either the children’s biological father or mother. Any other type of relation (step-aunt, “honorary”, etc) would have to sign their title as such – or risk being a hypocrite by saying that you yourself could not also be referred to with a name of endearment such as “mom,” no? Personally, the kids have never called me “Step-Auntie Christy,” nor has anyone criticized them for calling me “Auntie Christy” even though as an auntie related through you, a “step-mom” it would seem that my proper title would be “Step Auntie Christy” (per the logic applied by Vigil Auntie.)
Or perhaps I am being silly here and reading “Vigil Auntie” as an actual blood relationship signature and perhaps it is just a simple spelling error and the commenter meant “vigilante.” I mean, if it truly is a blood relation Auntie, then maybe they are spending sleepless nights (vigils) worrying about this, then I would wonder – do they really care about the children? For a moment, let me disregard any level of happiness you receive from any title given to you by the children. Are the children happy? Are the children happy having 2 moms? Does it mean they love any parent any less? Speaking from experience, NO NO NO NO NO! I grew up with a Dad and Mom at one house, and a Mom at another house. Using the same name for two people (“Mom”) didn’t cause any issues, except perhaps at Christmas when I wrapped my presents to give out – I usually wrote which “mom” it was for so I wouldn’t get confused when passing them out to the right people. Really not a huge issue for me. ITS EASIER FOR THE KIDS. THE KIDS. THE IMPORTANT ONES!!!

Christy said...

PS: Not to imply that you are not important, or your feelings are not important, of course.
Auntie Christy.
Because its a lot easier to say than Step Auntie Christy. Unless they want to switch to Awesomest Auntie, which is also just 2 words long.

Onomatopoet said...

I tried to get them to call you that but Katie overheard and she beat me up. I'm afraid of her so you'll have to take it up with her yourself. I'm not even going to bring Julie up, she's very competitive.

However, you've pretty much earned favoritest auntie status anyway. I mean come on- cake pops AND awesome presents? You've got that wrapped up sis. :)

Maria said...

Wow...I swear to god that I thought the commenter was my mother in law somehow calling me from wherever she landed when she died two years ago.

But, then...she would have reminded me that toilet paper was on sale at Walgreens, so I guess it couldn't have been her....