Sunday, January 29, 2012

In Which Todd Cuts His Hair Snazzily But Fails to Bathe And The Children Are Gross(ly Entertaining)

Setting: Modesto, CA
Scene: master bathroom.

Todd: How does my hair look?

Jess: Woo WOO, babe, it's snazzy! I'll have to keep you inside for a few days.

Todd: Huh? Why?

Jess: To keep you safe from the ladies of Modesto of course, you handsome dog, you.

Todd: Right. [looks pensive, absentmindedly raises an arm and sniffs his extremely aromatic armpit- in which he'd tried to stick my face a mere moment before, realizes what he's doing and makes sheepish eye contact]

Jess: [nods, grinning] Yeah... you're right. Never mind. You can go wherever you want.

Setting: Modesto, CA, 
Scene:  living room.

Child #1: [singing] When there's something wrong, in your neighborhood, who you gonna call?

Child#2: [shouting] Poopsquishers!!

Setting: Modesto, CA
Scene: living room in which several seasons of Psych were watched in a matter of weeks

Todd: What if I were a superhero?

Child #1: I wanna be a superhero!!

Todd: You can be my sidekick.

Child #2: I wanna be a psychic!!!

[Convulsive laughter on part of all adults in the room.]

Setting: Modesto, CA
Scene: kitchen adjacent to living room in which several seasons of Psych were watched in a matter of several months.

Todd: [to Jess] ...Well what about Sean?

Child #2: Shawn Spencer?! Psychic detective?!!!??!?

Todd: [sarcastically] Yeah, dude, Jess's brother, who you've met, is Shawn Spencer.

Child #2: HE IS??!?!??!?!?

Todd: [facepalm]

Monday, January 23, 2012


I lost my engagement ring.

I'm nursing a small hope that it may be somewhere in the house and will turn up someday. But I'm not getting my hopes up too high. It was lost in October. If it hasn't turned up by now it probably isn't going to.

It's much worse than just losing my engagement ring. It was a family ring and very very special to me. I feel terribly guilty about losing it, as well as heartbroken. I really don't mind not having an engagement ring so we're not planning to replace it. I'd rather just have a simple band if I can't have that ring. Its value for me wasn't in its sparkle or shine. It makes me sad to think about it.

So anyway... there's that. I've been sad the last few days about nothing and everything. I get tired of things being broken. Of the word stepmom. Of the way the kids are growing up before our eyes and I can't rewind and make them little again. I know all parents feel this way, but since I missed the years they were "littles" it makes me especially sad. I'm leaning more toward not having kids of my own for various reasons and I suppose I'm grieving for that too. It's okay, just... necessary. The grieving, I mean.

In the midst of all this we are dealing with unemployment, a great big question mark about the future, and a custody case. Funz. Also we can't afford even a super cheap wedding until we find jobs and we can't find jobs because we can't even leave this county until the court case is settled. The city I live in is hard hit by the recession. Jobs are not easy to come by. I know it will be okay, but the waiting is hard. I am grateful for what I have though. I would rather have all this love and happiness than a million dollars and a mansion in Palo Alto. Life, at it's core, is good.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

"One of Those Days" Describes Too Many of Mine Lately.

Oh hello, Anxiety, how have you be- AAAHHHHHH WE"RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!!....

I'm coming apart at the seams. I am on edge all the time. Todd is wonderful and the kids are perfect (except when they leave a banana in their backpack for an indeterminate length of time and then pull out a library book dripping with very old, very slimy banana sludge and say with a confused look, "I don't know how this happened.") and overall life is pretty good right now. It's just that there is this hand gripping my heart that won't let go. I feel panicky and worried all the time. When I dream it's unpleasant. Even the not-bad dreams are bad.

UPDATE: I stopped drinking caffeine. Much better now.